I recall from my director days at pregnancy resource centers a statistic: that one of the high risk groups for women becoming pregnant at young ages was that of young women in or coming out of foster care. Our own center’s statistics verified that this was true.  As I prepared for this blog, I learned that the statistics have not changed in the past six years since I stopped working in that field, and the outcomes of foster children in general are rather grim.

The Annie E. Casey Foundation reports the statistics from Child Welfare and Foster Care in the U.S. Here’s what they say in their report regarding children in our foster system from 2021: 

• 25% won’t graduate high school.

• 50% will develop a substance abuse dependence.
• 70% of young women will become pregnant before age 21.
• 3% of kids who age out will earn a college degree.

In 2021, 203,770 children under 18 entered foster care. That’s 3 children in 1,000, which actually is slightly lower than it was 20 years ago. While the largest portion of those children were between the ages of one to five, the 19,000 youth who aged out of the system that year did so without reuniting with their parents or having another permanent family home. That number also has declined slightly over the last two decades. 

The Casey Foundation Report adds that when these young people leave the foster system, they also “lose access to services and supports offered through the foster care system….These youth and young adults are more likely to experience behavioral, mental and physical health issues, housing problems, homelessness, employment and academic difficulties, early parenthood, incarceration, and other potentially lifelong adversities.”

For those of us who were raised in stable environments and who tried to provide those for our children, it is hard to think about or even imagine what hundreds of children are experiencing in their homes from the parents who conceived them: neglect; abuse of all kinds—physical, mental, emotional, and sexual; being privy to substance abuse, violence, pornography, explicit sexual scenes, and criminal behavior. 

I have learned after being exposed firsthand to the folks who work with these children, that it is probably more correct to imagine the worst scenarios rather than to think that things can’t be all that bad. We live in a depraved society that needs the good news of Jesus Christ. 

I think that’s why a lot of Christians do foster care. While there are some successful outcomes, some success might be a reflection on Christian families who live and share the gospel with their foster children. To patiently love these children who bring their trauma and difficult behavior into a home, is challenging to say the least. That is why I wanted to meet some foster moms at one of their support groups and ask them why they do this at all, and continue to do it, even when burnout claims many foster parents before the first year of fostering ends.

Twenty women who have fostered anywhere from under a year to 14 years, were gathered together in a room of a local church with some mouth-watering snacks invitingly arranged on a table. Chairs were in a circle around the room as this is the time these moms share with one another, transparently voicing their concerns and frustrations, while offering one another encouragement and directing one another to trustworthy resources. One older woman had fostered years ago for a spell and had come with her daughter who is currently fostering. Some were on their first child placement while others had as many as 27 foster children over the years. Four moms, each a professing Christian believer, agreed to allow me to interview them during their meeting time.

I began by bringing them right to the theme for this blog this year. How did your profession of Christ influence your decision to foster? I knew after hearing their answers that compassion was the main driving force behind their willingness to do this thankless job. Compassion not unlike that of Jesus. That compassion had led them to a calling, which in each of their minds, left no doubt that fostering/adoption is what they were to do. One said she’d decided when she was eight, and when she was old enough to date she shared her vision with her dates. She said they had to want it as much as she did or that was the last date they had. She found a husband who shared her enthusiasm and they began fostering as soon as they spoke their marriage vows.

That mom and her husband move to adopt their foster children because as she quietly explains, “That is what Christ has done for us. He loved us in our sinful state and adopted us to be His children.” These foster parents want their home to be so filled with Christ that the children easily see the difference compared to where they’ve been. “Christ, in His grace, loves us and welcomes us. We want to extend His grace to our children.”

Each woman’s face lit up when I asked them what the biggest reward to fostering was. One said she loved the fostering community and always felt like this was the best part of fostering. It is with these moms that she feels understood because they know how hard this life is. Their close bond allows them to call on each other when things are tough and celebrate victories side by side.

Another said the reward was watching the child start to recognize that they have value—that underneath their trauma, they are beginning to see that their lives contribute something worthwhile.

Two moms both expressed that their reward was forming life-long relationships with their children. “I have kept an on-going relationship from child to grown woman that extends for 35 years. I understand her and am a better facilitator for her than any of her caseworkers or even her family members.”

The other mom readily agreed. “The reward is the longevity of being involved in my son’s life and watching him grow and now having a relationship with his child.” It takes time for kids to realize that they can trust their foster parents’ intentions, so foster kids often don’t see it fully until they have aged out of the system and the parents still keep fully vested in them. 

While there are rewards, there are also keen disappointments. And frustrations. Interestingly, all four foster moms placed their disappointments and frustrations soundly on the foster system and sometimes the agencies they work with. They ranked communication with caseworkers in the foster system poorly.  Often what they say to their caseworkers about their children goes no further, so that when decisions are being made by their superiors and courts, the foster parent’s input is not even heard or considered.

It works the other way around as well. Sometimes the parents aren’t given the full story about the child, their background, behaviors, or medical problems until after the child has been placed with them. Withholding necessary information to the foster parents hinders their ability to knowledgeably handle situations or get needed resources to affectively help the child. 

This was especially concerning to one of the moms who handles children with extreme medically complex cases and two others who do therapeutic foster care. They reported that there were times they hadn’t received paperwork on a child placed in their home until long after placement. Their calls not being returned by caseworkers was another complaint, along with the system not following up on what foster parents had told them.

All moms felt like they’d seen reunification successfully pushed by the foster system when they felt that solution was not at all in the best interest of the children.  One mom said that if she hadn’t spoken up during a court case, children would have reunified with two parents who were sexually abusing them. That fact had been glossed over by child protective services even though they had been made aware by the foster parents who had the children.

A law recently passed in July 2024 in Virginia mandates that children be placed with kin first. One of the moms believes that is not always in the child’s best interest. To place a young child with an elderly grandma or with relatives in another state whom they have never met probably is not the best solution. 

One mom felt there were red flags all over a case where the children were reunified. Red flags that were never followed up on by caseworkers, and who instead gave a glowing report that was never questioned, but rather praised, by the judge in the case. 

Another mom mentioned that in Virginia, each county agency is the final authority. Oversight by the state is minimal, and so you find some counties acting without any accountability and little appeal power to be heard on a higher level for those questioning their rulings. 

Foster parents undergo hours of rigorous training and checks before being licensed. The agencies they foster for, especially those with specialization like therapeutic and extreme medical require more training and ongoing training. These foster parents are particularly well-equipped and question the sometimes dismissive attitudes of the caseworkers who are not living with the children and seeing them 24/7. 

While these foster moms I spoke with understand that often caseworkers are overwhelmed with too many cases and cannot possibly serve them well, and that they are underpaid for what is expected of them, they also feel that many younger caseworkers are coming into the field with poor training and are more concerned about their paperwork than the children. 

The women understand the complexities on every level and are not trying to overthrow the system. They would just like it to have more accountability, be evaluated by higher authorities, and weed out any injustices or corruption, from the caseworkers to the judges. Perhaps mandate better and ongoing training for the caseworkers so that they better understand what the children need and receive from foster parents. One mom suggested better support for the caseworkers so they can stay in their jobs longer with less burnout. 

All moms agreed that while their love for their children doesn’t diminish, having support and encouragement from each other is often what keeps them going. These support groups and resources are largely ministries of churches as I wrote last month.  I have come to see these groups in action since my daughter began fostering. 

Even to churches who may not be large enough to start such programs, please find the foster parents in your midst and support them as a church. I have to put a shout out to my own church here in Lynchburg as they have deeply supported my daughter and her foster children in a myriad of helpful ways. I am grateful every time members are introduced to a new child and each Sunday make a point of continuing conversation and interest in that child. They often interact during the week as well, but I am only able to witness it on Sunday and it warms my heart. 

“Let the children come to me,” Jesus said. Believing foster parents are doing just that. They are working in an uncomfortable, stressful, and dangerous mission field but nevertheless, serving Christ in 2025.