(“The clouds you so much dread are big with mercy”—William Cowper, from “God Works in a Mysterious Way,” 1774. Cowper struggled with fear and depression his entire life but wrote the words to some of our best known hymns including this one and “There Is a Fountain”.)

I am thankful for the stories of faith I've been able to share with you this year. Stories of those who have wrestled with various health concerns; some winning their battles, some losing them in this earthly life, but going on to reap the reward their Savior purchased for them. Yet, in every case, looking to the Lord to keep and sustain them. I am grateful that we have a God Who Sees.

He sees and knows and prepares us even when the unexpected illness overtakes us, or we are given the unwanted diagnosis. In those moments how we wish that time could reverse itself and we could hold fast to a better and safer time. Or in my case, I have wished that I could have a do-over of a week ago Monday morning.

Out for a somewhat routine morning walk along one of our beautiful park trails here in Lynchburg, I admired the fall colors ahead of me as well as to my right and left. The temperatures were coolish but not too cold and not too warm. I felt invigorated and found my heart giving praise and thanks to God for His magnificent creation. 

As I headed back to my car, I pulled my phone from my pocket to check a text message I'd heard come in. Giving my full attention to my phone, I neglected to watch where I was going and tripped over a curb going into the parking lot. Before I could catch myself and correct my balance, my face slammed into the pavement. I appreciate the first reaction of such accidents—It happened so fast. Indeed, that's why we call them accidents. And then there's the fact that they seem so avoidable. I could have prevented it by simply waiting till I got to my car to check my phone.

For my age, it hasn't been too bad. Broken bones are a pretty common thing for someone in their 70's, but I had none. Despite what we are told about drinking milk these days, I credit my early childhood on a farm and drinking a lot of raw milk for strong bones and teeth. For a few days it looked like I'd been in a bad fight. But swelling, bruises, all healed remarkably quickly and I'm thankful for that. However my teeth weren't so fortunate. I damaged three front teeth and their outcome is unknown at this point while I wait for second opinions before action is taken. But even in this, I can feel some day-to-day improvement. Eating has become a little more normal.

As I've had a lot of time for contemplation about healing from accidents and illnesses, I'm writing this month about what seemed to touch everyone in the stories we've heard in the past months. FEAR. Thaddeus Barnum in his book Real Courage (a book I highly recommend) calls fear a monster. The fear monster terrorizes us in more situations than illnesses and the aftermath of accidents. Barnum writes, “People [live] in fear because [something or] somebody dominates them—a drunken family member, an abusive boss, an obsessed friend, a caretaker forgetting us in our old age—anybody with power to enslave the soul.”

To admit fear is to admit that you are powerless. You have lost control. Therefore, we tend not to admit it, to live in denial, to keep up a “brave” front, claiming falsely that we've “got this” even while our actions against the circumstances around us defy our words.

For me, I have gone through several bouts with fear and anxiety. I still have no idea how to keep it away. I expect it will be the monster that often hides in secret only to pop its wretched head out at me from time to time for the rest of my life. It's the one thing that Satan can and does use profusely against us. But what has happened is that I have learned from the fearful times, and I am gradually able to better respond to the first signs of fear. I am learning that my strength, my courage, lays only in Christ, and only in Him is the ability to conquer. This learning process is a precious one and invites me daily into a deeper and deeper relationship with my powerful Savior. As I seek Him, He just keeps showing Himself to me. He promised that He would over and over. I've found it to be true. 

I've felt fear when I went away from home to college, flying on airplanes, during childbirth, financial crises, anger from others aimed at me, minor car accidents, my marriage ending, becoming a single mother, making speeches, buying a home as a single mother, losing that home, being homeless, sending a military son overseas, my daughter going through a life-threatening illness, the trials my children may face, smashing my face into pavement. Those are just the biggies. So many other times as well.

One of my first reactions to fear is to pray. It is interesting to note that those first prayers usually are me telling God what He should do for me so that I won't be afraid. Don't let the worst scenario happen. Save me from all danger. Nevertheless, I am thankful that the Spirit often overtakes our prayers in fearful moments, bringing our attention to Himself. Like the disciples in the terrible storm, being tossed and turned about, believing that at any second, the boat would be overturned and they would be fighting for their lives alone in the tumultuous waters, maybe even being overcome by the fierce waves. Finally in deepest distress they woke up Jesus, shouting that he was letting them down by ignoring their peril. Save us from all danger. At His words, calm is restored. Then, suddenly they realize that He is God and as He chastises them for their lack of faith, they consider Who He is.

I remember one particular time I felt like the disciples. I have a terrible fear of driving on wintry slippery roads. One time when my youngest four children were little, my husband and I and at least a couple of our children were driving on slick, untreated roads on I-380 in Pennsylvania during a freak snow squall. Cars all around us were slipping and sliding and suddenly we did, too. With so many uncontrolled vehicles around us, who knew what would happen next? Unconsciously, I began to pray out loud, “Save us!” And we were saved. There was no doubt in our minds that God had heard that prayer. That indeed He was there with us. And in my mind, I believe that the Holy Spirit prompted that spontaneous prayer to remind us that He hears.

Praying for safety is not bad. Neither is praying that certain things don't come to pass. But if that's all we do and leave it at that, then fear will continue to haunt us in disparaging ways. We will not have learned much about God, and we will have moments of hopelessness each time it strikes. Even the Psalmist works through his fears to remind Himself of Who God is. 

Consider Psalm 27. Find it now and keep it beside you as you read the rest of this blog. Read it carefully and meditate on it. Notice how verses 4, 8, and 11 particularly stress the importance of seeking God and learning His ways. How this is key when the Psalmist is afraid. After all, the whole Psalm is about his fear in some thoroughly fearful scenarios. 

I, like the Psalmist, have found that recalling God's promises and remembering how He has answered in the past is where my mind and heart need to rush to when fear assails. Notice how the Psalmist does this in verses 1-3 and 5-6. That's why it is important to always stay in Scripture. All the time. Not just when you are in some hard trial. Learn to spot the promises and commit them to memory. Study His Word. Feed on the Word as often as you hear it preached. It will come back into your mind when you need it. 

“I will never leave you or forsake you,” is my favorite. That promise is repeated 1,535 times in Scripture. Several times it is stated in relationship to the admonishment: “Do not be afraid.” That phrase echoes through scripture 365 times. That God is aware of our most common shortcoming and liberally sprinkles the antidote for it all over His word, gives me all the more reason to stay firmly in His Word. To keep my heart soft to receive it always. Simply put, to trust Him.

Now when fear threatens, those words “I will never leave you” come quickly to mind. I like to hear them and then break them down so they apply to the current fearful situation. Not long ago, there were a couple things on my mind that were creating anxiety and fear in me. One had to do with one of my children and the other a more practical personal matter. I was trying to think what I could do to remedy both problems, though that wasn't really an option. There wasn't much I could do in either case. These thoughts were on my mind as I was driving.  

The more I thought about what discouraging outcomes could come about, the more I began to experience increasing dread and worry. The fear monster was roaring in my ears. Then, quite suddenly I was reminded that the Holy Spirit, the very Spirit of Christ, dwelt in me. Right there in the car. He was as present with me at that moment as if He were in the passenger seat beside me; except being in me, He was actually in the driver's seat. I needed to acknowledge His presence and give Him my control of the problems that I was holding onto, releasing my fear to Him as well.

I love the saying attributed to Saint Patrick: “Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left, Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise.” There is no place I can go where He is not there (Romans 8:37-39).

That brings me to the next and most important action I need to take in the face of fear. Realizing the battle against fear belongs to the Lord, not me. I love the story about Elisha and his servant in 2 Kings 6:13-17.

When the servant of the man of God rose early in the morning and went out, behold, an army with horses and chariots was all around the city. And the servant said, “Alas, my master! What shall we do?” He said, “Do not be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” Then Elisha prayed and said, “O LORD, please open his eyes that he may see.” So the LORD opened the eyes of the young man, and he saw, and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

And guess who won that battle? How often do we really consider the unseen resources in spiritual dimensions that are working for us when our hearts and minds are fixed on Christ? “What sort of man is this, that even winds and sea obey him?” (Matthew 8:27). 

We will never eradicate the situations in our lives that cause fear to arise. In this life, storms will come. Fear will continue to try to grip us, but it is in resting in Jesus, that we learn to cope. That we belong to this Man and He works in us, lovingly renewing our hearts and minds.

That is what is so astonishing about the battles we face—they are part of how God makes us more like Himself. Makes us what He created us to be before our sin blocked our relationship with Him. Makes us more assured of His love for us as our love for Him grows. Fearful trials are a part of our training. It has been my experience and I've heard it said by others as well—that the most difficult trials are where we often meet our Savior in the most meaningful ways. From our own experiences, we are able to bless others. 2 Corinthians 1:4-5 explains: 

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 

Barnum advises that we should not isolate ourselves from the Body of Christ when fear envelops us. “Get involved at church. Ask for help. Surround yourself with people who keep your focus on God—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.” Give back the help you receive to your brothers and sisters in Christ. Be generous. Pray for others as you would pray for yourself. In the end, though we wrestle with fear, we can hand it to the One Who carries us in His powerful grip. “Soon enough,” as Barnum writes, “His promise will come true. Fear will fade away. Blessing will come. Morning will dawn. And together, forever, we will see Jesus.”

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD

In the land of the living!

Wait for the LORD;

Be strong, and let your heart take courage;

Wait for the Lord!

Psalm 27:13-14